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So it's time to ask the p's for wedding money. Not so fun. Here are
some pointers to make it not so terrible, and maybe even bearable!
These days, a couple should be able to ask both sets of parents for
help with wedding finances.
Many families (usually the grooms') feel that the financial burden falls
upon the brides' parents, while the groom's family takes care of the
rehearsal dinner, and perhaps a pair of cufflinks. But fear not, this
way of thinking is as outdated as black-and-white TVs. These days, a
couple should be able to ask both sets of parents for help with wedding
finances. In fact, a Knot survey found that 41.3% of you are
paying for the wedding through a combination of funds from yourselves
and both sets of parents. Here are some tips:
KNOW YOURSELF
Granted, the prospect of talking about money (let alone asking
for it), is about as pleasant to deal with as a root canal. But if it's
the only way you're going to have the wedding of your dreams, and the
wedding of your dreams involves more money than you've got, you'll have
to bite the bullet and ask away. The other side of this fence, however,
is that money often comes with strings attached. By forking over the
dollars, your parents may feel that this gives them a say in how you
plan the wedding -- from how many guests you invite, to what you serve
as an entree, right down to what you give as favors. For some people,
this is an acceptable trade-off; for others, an intolerable situation.
Know thyself, and plan accordingly. It may not be worth it to get the
money but relinquish a certain amount of control.
COMMUNICATE CLEARLY
Keep in mind that it never hurts to ask; the worst that can happen is
that they say "No." That said, be up-front about exactly how much money
you need. You may feel the urge to hem and haw, or underestimate, but by
being clear from the start there's less chance of misunderstandings.
Keep in mind it will help to have drawn up a budget beforehand.
ESTABLISH GROUND RULES
If you intend to use the money exactly as you wish, say so at the
beginning. Keep in mind that although it is your wedding, and you get
the final say, asking for opinions and involving parents is always a
nice gesture, regardless of how much or how little money they have
contributed. If you are asking both sets of parents for money, it's nice
to give them an idea of what their money is going toward. There's no
doubt, asking for money can be an anxiety-fraught situation, but if
to-be-weds gloss over their needs and requirements, and don't lay them
out clearly at the start, there's nothing but trouble ahead.
CONSIDER ASKING FOR A LOAN
If you feel guilty asking for an outright gift, consider asking for a
loan, and follow through on your intention of reimbursing your parents.
Set up a repayment schedule so that both parties feel comfortable. Try
to finalize the agreement before the bills start adding up. It's less
stressful this way. If you are lucky enough to get the cash flow
from your parents -- be grateful! It's a caring and generous expression
of their love for you and support for your relationship. Be sure to have
the wedding you've always dreamed of, but be sure to thank them and let
them know just how much they, and their support, means to you. Good
luck! |
