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So, you’ve created
the perfect imagine of your wedding in your mind, down to the
last detail of what everyone is wearing. But how can you
politely assure that your guests understand your vision and will
dress the part?
Be Clear
Wedding attire customs differ throughout the country. Many
etiquette experts may tell you that the time of the wedding is
sufficient notice for the appropriate attire. However, regional
differences often cause confusion, regardless of commonly
understood etiquette. In some areas, morning and afternoon
weddings are held as backyard cookouts where guests come dressed
casually. In other areas, morning weddings are held at
sophisticated brunch halls where guests are required to wear a
jacket and tie.
No one way is the correct way, so to be sure that cultural
differences don’t leave guests unprepared, let them know the
dress code by including it on your invitation. This reference
does not have to be anything more than a few words at the bottom
corner of the invitation, stating something to the effect of
“Black Tie Requested”.
Be Specific
When including a dress code on your invitations, understand that
some wording may mean different things to various people. Again,
regional differences contribute to different definitions of such
vague terms as: Semi-Formal, Dress Casual, etc.
For example, while “Semi-Formal” may mean dark suit to your
business acquaintances, your college buddies may take it to mean
“nice shirt, tie optional”. You may intend for Dress Casual
to mean khakis and polo shirts, while others may mistake it for
anything but ripped jeans.
Don’t expect your guests to research what these vague terms
mean in your area of the country. Instead, be specific. If you
want everyone to come in a dark suit, then say so: “Formal
suit required, Black-tie optional.” This lets guests know that
while they do not have to wear a tuxedo, they are still expected
to dress formally.
If you have a wedding website, you may want to give a more
detailed description as to what is expected on it.
Theme Weddings
With theme weddings becoming more prevalent these days, dress
codes have expanded to fit the occasion. To encourage your
guests to dress in costume, include a specific request on the
invitation, such as: “Renaissance garb requested but not
required.” Be sure to let guests know that they may still
attend even if they do not dress for the theme, otherwise you
may alienate those guests who don’t feel comfortable in
costume.
Simply suggesting that a costume be worn may not be enough to
get the ball rolling. Including information on how guests can
make their own costume, or information about costume rentals
will guide those who want to participate but are unsure how to
do it.
Again, if you have a wedding website, you may want to consider
devoting an entire page to costuming ideas and suggestions to
help your guests. If you suspect that many guests will be
interested in making their own costumes, be sure to inform them
of the wedding theme several months prior to sending out the
formal invitations, thus giving them plenty of time to purchase
fabric and patterns.
Many brides with theme weddings choose to hold costume contests
at the wedding in order to get guests to dress up. Ask your
wedding party to “judge” different costume categories such
as: Best Overall Costume, Most Historically Accurate, Best
Dressed Couple, etc. Include a list of the contest categories
with your invitations so guests can think ahead and plan for the
category they’d like to enter.
Relax and Enjoy
On the day of the wedding, there is not much more you can do to
assure your guests will come properly dressed. If your reception
site has certain requirements (for example some ultra fancy
restaurants refuse admittance to men without a jacket and tie),
be sure to keep some extras of these items on hand for guests
who show up unprepared. Coordinate with your ushers ahead of
time to politely offer these things to guests who come
underdressed.
However, if the site does not have a required dress code, then
you may just want to let unprepared guests slide. Rather than
embarrassing them and creating ill feelings on the day of the
event, just relax and enjoy your day. Remind yourself that at
least Uncle Bob came to celebrate this important event with you,
and never mind his tan polyester suit with elbow pads.
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