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You have the ring and you've told your family. The next step many brides take
is to select their attendants. These women (and sometimes men) will be an
integral part of the next year of your life, and it is important to choose
wisely.
Brides who choose their maids without forethought often end up with
attendants who are not up to the task, or who are initially excited, but lose
interest in participating as the big day approaches. Even worse, brides can lose
friends in the stressful situations that can arise as the wedding is planned.
All the drama is easily avoided if you select your wedding party carefully.
Here are five tips to help you avoid inviting conflict down the aisle:
1. Take your time. Immediately after he proposes may seem like the
perfect moment to ask your friends to stand up for you, but it is wiser to share
the news of the engagement without raising the subject of the wedding party.
Your emotions will be running high, so you may wish to wait for things to
settle down before making any decisions. Should someone ask who your maids
will be, say that in all the engagement excitement, you haven't had a minute to
think. Keep in mind, while you can always ask someone to be in your wedding, it
is not an invitation you can take back.
2. Think about your friends' life situations. Is one of your candidates
already committed to two other weddings this year? She may be relieved just
being one of your guests. Is another friend working three jobs to pay off her
credit cards? Maybe now isn't the time to ask her to buy a pricey dress and a
plane ticket. The same consideration should apply to friends, siblings, or
family members with demanding schedules, and/or small children. These friends
can still be included in the planning, and can be lifesavers with tasks like
monitoring the guest book, or handing out programs.
3. Contemplate your maids as a group. Will everyone get along? It's wise
to think about how they will work together. If two of your close friends aren't
speaking to each other, don't make yourself crazy by allowing your wedding to be
their opportunity to confront each other. Instead, ask one to be a bridesmaid,
and invite the other to do a reading, or participate in another way. The same
goes for feuding relatives, or for ex co-workers who parted under bad
circumstances.
4. Remember, although being a bridesmaid is an honor, it is also a job with
responsibilities. If you will need a lot of help, make sure to select one or
two bridesmaids you can really count on to hold everything together. Although
you love her, the friend who skipped off to Bali the night before her IRS audit
may not be a wise choice.
5. Lastly, don't let anyone pressure you to include someone you wouldn't have
picked on your own. Attendant spots are not guaranteed to women whose
weddings you were in, nor to cousins your mother-in-law would like to see
included. Your bridesmaids are your pillars of strength during the wedding
planning process, and you want to be enthusiastic about each of the wonderful
friends who accompany you down the aisle. Resentment and guilt have no place at
the altar on your wedding day.
As you pick your attendants, follow your heart, but don't lose your head.
Keeping these points in mind, you will be on your way to creating an
enthusiastic, supportive, and helpful bridal party.
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