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Sexual expression plays a huge
role in relationships. It is way for people to show their lovers what they
feel about them through passionate and intimate ways. As wonderful as
sexuality can be, it is often misunderstood, which is why the average
couple faces sexual conflicts and challenges at some point during their
relationship. This is no way is a generalization of men and women, but the
truth is, men and women handle their sexuality differently- on an average.
If couples spend some time to truly learn and understand their partner's
sexuality, they can build a happier and healthier sex life together,
instead of facing the conflicts that stall their relationship from
blossoming further.
Okay, so you now know that according for your sex life to improve, you
need to understand your partner's sexuality…but where do you start? Good
question, but there is no particular area to start. You can start at any
angle you wish, as long as you are learning something about your partner's
sexual behavior. Of course, the most advisable suggestion would be
communication, for every counseling psychologist believes that all couple
conflicts exist because of poor communication that needs to be improved.
This may be true, but it is a very general suggestion- too general for you
to understand where to start.
You see, this is because you do not know
what communication to improve. Many couples may have wonderful
communication between each other and get along great, except for when it
comes to making love. How can this be if you communicate so well? The
answer is very simple, yet most people would not think of it. In fact, the
average person sees communication as a general skill that works for all
areas of life, which is why most couple gets confused when their sex life
starts to lack. The answer is: You need to improve your Sexual
Communication.
Fine, that sounds simple enough. So all you have to do is talk about your
sex life with your lover to clear any confusion? Well, yes- talking about
what is going on in your bedroom certainly helps you both understand what
is going on in each others minds, but that is not the entire solution.
Besides talking about it, you have got to do some research and work on
your own. This means you need to make an effort to study your partner's
sexuality by learning what triggers good and bad sexual responses. This is
where it can get challenging because men and women view sex differently.
Though men have times they are not "in the mood" due to other
things going on in their life, they usually can tune out everything when
it comes to having a lovemaking session with their partner. In fact, for
many men, sex is great way to help them feel better and relax- like a
stress reducer. For women however, sex is a more fragile subject and
involves a lot of emotion. If a woman is having a bad day or has a million
things going on in her mind, it distracts her from getting involved in
good sexual activity. Men take this offensively, thinking that the reason
their woman does not want to have sex or is not that into it, is because
she is no longer as turned on by him, or even being selfish- when this is
most of the time not true. Women need to be approached in certain ways
that will make them feel relaxed, safe and ready to have sex. Men too have
their own preferences of ways to be approached.
There are many methods you can use to better understand your partner's
sexuality and improve your sex life. Begin by trying something different
that you do not usually do, but also try combining that with a behavior
you use often, so that your partner can still feel familiar and
comfortable.
Good ideas that have succeeded are giving your partner a full
body massage to help them relax and open up, setting up a sexy and
romantic scene in the bedroom (example: candlelight, sexy music, sexy food
like chocolate strawberries, body oils and butters, champagne, etc.),
having an indoor picnic at home, taking a bath and scrubbing your lovers
body, taking your lover out on a date and then staying in a nice hotel for
the night… and so on.
One of the main reasons sex conflicts occur
eventually during a relationship, is due to the fact that the sex and
romance fell into "routine" or a comfort zone. To keep a sexual
relationship exciting, you must take different routes and try new things
and keep it creative. Knowing what works best when it comes to awakening
your lover's sexual cravings, will take time and effort, not to mention a
good deal of exploration. Not that this would actually feel like work, for
exploring new areas and new routines tend to always spice up a
relationship and draw the two of you together. You and your partner will
not only be involved in more lovemaking sessions together, but will also
discover new things about each other and your relationship, which will
open new doors to better communication, new ideas, as well as learning
more do's and don'ts for your relationship.
Understanding your partner's sexuality is not as hard as you may think.
All it requires is the will and patience to observe and pay attention to
what makes him or her tick and respond to you in the way you find most
appealing. While you are learning and using new ideas to enhance your
sexual side of your relationship, you and your partner will automatically
strengthen your bond, love, respect and understanding towards one another,
which is what being in a relationship is all about.
Remember, when trying
to improve a sexual relationship, you must look at things from two points
of views: yours and your partners. As long as you make the best effort to
this, plus good communication on both your parts, your relationship will
be maintained in the most clear and satisfying form.
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