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If
they've been following the latest wedding trends, brides, grooms and guests
might want to don boxing gloves before heading to the reception for an eve of
dancing and drinking.
Forget road and air rage. Now in the ring: wedding
rage, which is rivaling its relatives in the "formidable force"
category.
The phenomenon has had more
than its 15 minutes lately, with back-to-back weddings-turned-brawls making
national headlines — one in Cleveland, Ohio, in July, another in South
Windsor, Conn in August (pictured at left), and a third in Gainesville, Fla.in
September.
All three involved alcohol and
ended with members of the wedding party in jail, according to police and press
accounts.
Experts say the costs and
stresses associated with the Big Day have become almost too much to handle —
to the point where all the hard work can turn into a wedding gone wild.
"A wedding is very
stressful, and the bride and groom want everything to be perfect," said
Oregon psychologist Marilyn Sorensen, author of "Breaking the Chain of
Low Self-Esteem." "It doesn't take much to push them over the
top."
She said perfectionism
and "keeping up with the Joneses" are usually major culprits.
"There's all that
competition to have a better wedding than somebody else did, to spend
more," Sorensen said. "Anything less than perfect is a failure. People
overreact."
In addition to pressure over
how things will run, weddings are emotionally charged because of the big life
transition they represent.
The stress has mounted to such
a degree that at least one company Emotionally Engaged in Brookline, Mass. —
offers "bridal counseling" and engagement workshops for couples to
help them deal with the roller coaster leading up to and including the wedding
day.
Family members sometimes get
caught up in the intensity as much as or even more than the happy couple.
Thirty-four-year-old Neena of
Washington, D.C., (who asked that her last name not be used) said her brother's
northern California reception was one of two wild weddings she's witnessed. But
the bride and groom weren't involved — it was the bride's brother who flipped
his lid at the DJ.
"A fight broke out,"
said Neena. "The DJ felt threatened enough that he called the police.
Everybody was yelling, telling everybody to calm down. It was a wedding
divided."
Alcohol was a factor in that wedding brouhaha
— as it was at another rowdy reception she attended in New Jersey, to which
the groom's friends weren't invited because the bride didn't like them. They
showed up anyway, in jeans and Harley Davidson T-shirts.
"There was a big fight
with the security people — pushing, shoving and yelling — and they got
escorted out," Neena said. "Then the bride and groom got into this
huge fight. The bouquet toss didn't even happen."
As a wedding consultant from A
Bride's Best Friend in Kansas City, Mo., Angela Alcantar has had a ringside seat
more often than she'd like in the wedding rage phenomenon.
Alcantar remembers one instance in
which the bride and groom got into such a big squabble during the ceremony
that they were alternately screaming at each other and not speaking at the
reception.
"The arguing got loud
enough that the photographer came over to me and said, 'We need to wrap this
(picture-taking session) up' because they were just at each other's
throats," Alcantar said.
At that wedding, the bride was
drunk and the groom was trying to calm her, Alcantar said.
There were other
alcohol-related dramas, too: The bride's "plastered" mother was
sobbing because her inebriated husband was dirty dancing with younger women;
someone vomited in an elevator; and one drunken guest tumbled down a marble
staircase, according to Alcantar. Luckily, the woman wasn't seriously hurt.
To avoid such a ruckus,
Alcantar suggests that couples and the wedding party engage in a physical or
relaxation activity the day before the big event to relieve tension.
She advises starting the
reception with an open bar and then switching to a "soft bar" serving
only beer and wine. And she tells brides and grooms to limit their alcohol
intake.
Taking things in stride helps
too. That's how 31-year-old Ellen of Seattle handled her rowdy wedding last
summer — even after groomsmen set off bottle caps in church, tried to take
over for the band at the reception and released a stink bomb at the end of the
night.
Through it all, Ellen kept her
cool.
"It didn't faze me,"
she said. "I never pictured having the perfect, uptight wedding where
everyone is really polite."
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