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Everyone tells you, "It's your
day," and it's true. Your wedding day is your time to shine, to be
the star. But that's no excuse for ignoring your bridesmaids' needs. Just
as you finesse your relationships with vendors, beauty consultants, and
demanding future in-laws, don't forget about maintaining a positive,
working friendship with your bridesmaids.
BODY BEAUTIFUL
Choosing the right dress to flatter a variety of figures is one of the
most difficult tasks in the entire wedding-planning process. Consider how
long it took you to find your dress, and you're just one body! Everyone
has issues with their curves, or lack thereof, so choose a style that will
flatter the bridesmaid with the most difficult figure and then work
backward. If everyone in the wedding party is a size six except your
cousin Sue, who wears a size 18, choose a style that Sue will be
comfortable in, even though it may not be the body-hugging, bias-cut silk
dress you'd always imagined. Or allow each maid to choose a different
style in the same fabric and color. Another alternative is to choose a
two-piece ensemble that offers different options for top and bottom.
Ultimately, you don't want to run the risk of making one of your favorite
people feel uncomfortable or anxious about how she looks.
DUMB DUTIES?
There are lots of things you'll need your bridesmaids to help you with, so
choose their tasks wisely. These are busy women with lives of their own,
and while they will offer to help with just about anything, be careful to
not take advantage of their assistance. A good rule of thumb: Don't ask
them to do anything that you wouldn't gladly do for them. That means they
probably don't want to spend Friday night licking the seals on your
wedding invites. Would you?
Before you ask your best-friend-for-life to guard the guest book, place
votives by each place setting, or help the band find the electrical
outlets, stop and think if that task wouldn't be better handled by your
wedding coordinator or a cousin. Yes, they are your "maids" but
they aren't your ladies-in-waiting. You don't want your bridesmaids to
leave your wedding feeling as though they deserve a paycheck.
GIVING & GETTING
There are lots of instances during the wedding-planning process when you
will have the opportunity to either be gracious or a grouch. Guess which
one we recommend? If the bridal shower or bachelorette party your
bridesmaids planned is not the party you had hoped for, remember to be
gracious. They've picked karaoke and beer at the neighborhood pub and you
were thinking jazz and champagne at the finest hotel in town? Oh well,
time to bone up on the lyrics to "Love Shack." While you can
suggest ideas for these parties, ultimately the decisions are not yours,
so just keep smiling and say thanks.
As for the giving part, it can be difficult to choose a single gift that
all your bridesmaids will love. And buying them an item to wear on your
wedding can be tricky. You want them to have matching earrings, but is
that really a gift for you or for them? Unless all your girls are on the
same stylistic page, go individual. You can still choose a gift of
earrings -- just select ones to fit each girl's personal style. Perhaps
you can present the varied jewels in identical boxes.
PLAYING FAVORITES
Let's face it: Everyone has a list of people in this world with whom they
just can't get along. But if any of your bridesmaids end up on that list,
keep it a secret. You may have had to include your fiance's sister in your
wedding party -- the one who refused to address you by name for two years
-- or the cousin you still avoid at Thanksgiving. Even so, be careful not
to be selective with your friendship. Your wedding is nothing if not a
wonderful opportunity to build bonds with your beau's family and perhaps
patch up any uncomfortable rifts within your own. If you can't go that
far, be gracious enough to offer inclusion, and if you're still getting
attitude, shake it off. They're probably as uncomfortable about the
situation as you are, and you have the opportunity, if not the
responsibility, to be the bigger person.
FRIENDS & FINANCES
Money may not be the root of all evil, but it is certainly one of
the greatest tension builders between bridesmaids and brides. Before you
fall in love with the perfect dress for them -- a hot little $350 number
-- take stock of your friends' finances. Are they just out of college or
still waiting for their big breaks? Or are they financially stable, with
plenty of fun money? If you have a mixture of both, always consider your
lowest common denominator and choose a dress everyone can afford. Be sure
to factor in the added expense of alterations, shoes, and accessories. And
unless you're treating, don't demand that they have their wedding hair and
makeup done at the same high-end salon that you're going to. Don't worry
if the girls don't end up looking like the perfect mirror images of you. A
truly joyful smile in your photographs is always more appealing than a
bitter, teeth-clenching grin.
Also keep in mind that your financially strapped gals will be spending
lots of cash-shower gifts, travel expenses, the bachelorette party (your
apple martinis aren't cheap!), and wedding gifts -- so it's considerate to
make sure they know you don't expect fancy presents, if any at all. Treat
them where you can, perhaps to a night in the hotel or at least to a round
of drinks at the bachelorette party.
HAVE WEDDING, WILL TRAVEL
Weddings rarely take place in a town where all the guests and wedding
party live, so make the journey and visit as easy as possible for your
out-of-town bridesmaids. Help them search for cheap airline flights and,
if your budget doesn't allow for their hotel rooms, ask family and friends
if they're willing to board your fine, young, upstanding maids. Have a
gift of goodies waiting in their rooms to make them comfortable, since
chances are you won't be able to entertain them the day before your
wedding. Skip the standard fruit and nuts and go for something truly
individual: Fill a small basket with their favorite snack foods, some foot
lotion for their aching dancing feet, and aspirin for the impending
hangover. This small, inexpensive gesture will mean a lot and doesn't have
to add up to a bundle of time or money-two things you'll probably run out
of by the time out-of-towners arrive.
ENOUGH ABOUT ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME?
Keep in mind that during this process, most bridesmaids want nothing more
than to make things as smooth and pleasant for you as possible, so
consider doing the same for them. Although you may be stressed, tired, and
anxious, don't forget to engage in conversations that are not about
your wedding. Your bridesmaids probably know about every fight you've had
with the caterer, but do you know how their jobs are going? Or how their
dates went last weekend?
I NEED A HUG
Planning a wedding can feel like an overwhelming task, fraught with
emotions, battles for control, and a loosening grip on sanity. But give
yourself a break once in a while. Focusing on the people around you can
actually relieve stress and keep you from losing your mind (you can tell
if you've passed this point when you find yourself answering reasonable
questions by screaming, "Because I'm the bride!"). That's the
time to turn to your bridesmaids, who are there to do more than plan
showers and make the ribbon bouquet. They're there to be your friends, so
be sure you do the same for them.
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