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In an effort to reduce expenses,
some couples today are opting for what is known as a "cash bar", also
called the "no-host bar".
I receive a lot of questions
from brides, as well as prospective wedding guests, about the appropriateness of
having a cash bar at a wedding. In fact, the entire subject can often be the
source of a great deal of consternation as the debate rages regarding
"should you, or shouldn't you?". Well, here it is - the real scoop,
once and for all.
In the world of wedding
etiquette, the cash bar is the ultimate no-no. Therefore, if observing complete
social correctness is of importance to you, you'd better put this notion out of
your head right now. However, as I've said before, some of the rules of etiquette are gently, and with great care, being
broken. As long as you don't move within a social circle in which the ultimate
in social correctness is always observed, you may be able to sneak by with your
cash bar. Emily Post most definitely would not approve, but, the times they are
a-changing....
That said, please take careful
note of the following disclaimer: Anytime you are contemplating breaking or even
bending a rule of etiquette, you should give the matter a great deal of
consideration before making that decision. The fact remains, that it is best to
stick to the laws of social correctness unless circumstances absolutely dictate
otherwise in order to avoid offending, or turning anyone off.
The prime reason people
contemplate the cash bar for their wedding receptions is obviously the issue of
cost. You should realize that this will probably be apparent to your wedding
guests if you choose a cash bar. Realize too that people may mumble under their
breath that it looks "cheap" and there likely will be some discussion
among some guests who will conclude that you couldn't afford an open bar. Before
your adrenaline begins to ooze over that, remember, after all, you ARE breaking
a rule of etiquette. Proceed only if you are still comfortable and if you are
certain you will not erupt over such commentary!
It is my professional opinion,
having counseled a great many couples who are grappling with this issue, that if
you have come to the conclusion that you absolutely can not have an open
bar, the best, most gentle and non-offensive way to handle the matter is to
take a combination approach. What has worked for many couples quite
successfully is to provide perhaps 2 drink tickets for each adult guest. These
can be included in each invitation along with the other enclosures. After your
guests have used their 2 tickets, they will be required to pay for any
additional drinks.
A lot of couples are quite
comfortable with this approach, believing that 2 drinks in an evening is a
reasonable and responsible level of drinking for any guest to partake in and
that anything above that may become excessive. This approach can be seen as a
socially responsible effort to discourage excessive drinking. In fact, I know of
several couples who have utilized this approach for precisely this reason when
cost was absolutely not a factor.
Today there is a much elevated
level of awareness and concern for the hazards of excessive social drinking and,
therefore, from a social standpoint this approach toward minimizing that hazard
can have a sensible social justification. It is in this way that our rules of
etiquette can be adjusted over the course of time, and in some cases may
actually be required
to
change ever so slightly to keep pace with other influences in society.
If you have, after careful
consideration, made the decision to have a cash bar, it is crucial that your
guests be advised of this in advance. Failing to provide advance notification to
guests would be in extremely poor form, not to mention very inconsiderate. Have
the words "cash bar" printed beneath the reception information on your
reception card or invitation. This at least allows guests to arrive prepared for
these circumstances so that no one is taken by surprise.
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