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...Together
If you are going to say the same vows to one another, it will be more meaningful
if you write your vows together. Try the following:
- First, be certain to do this when you and your fiancé can be alone. You
won't want others to disturb you, so ensure that you can have some privacy.
- Each of you should grab a stack of paper and a pen or pencil.
- Set a time limit for how long you are going work separately. Agree to
rejoin each other in a half hour or so.
- Go to separate rooms. Make sure you are comfortable and not worried about
being disturbed.
- Write a letter to your fiancé telling them why you love them. Do not make
this short and sweet. Instead, elaborate, go in-depth, and be creative.
- Write 2-3 of your favorite times together - the times when you laughed so
hard you cried, or when s/he was there for you, or an inside joke, or
something that happened long ago that you haven't thought about it in a long
time.
- Write down the scriptures, quotes, and songs that you are using at your
wedding. Reflect on these and write what they mean to you or the most
important part of them.
- Now, get back together and either switch papers, or take turns reading
your letters and stories to one another.
- When you are finished crying and hugging and smiling, talk about what you
thought were the best parts of each of your letters and stories. Are there a
few things you can pick out that you could say as vows? To help you out,
most traditional vows go something like this:
- "In the name of God, I, Name take you,
Name to be
my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better,
for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love
and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn
vow."
Here is an example of how you could write your vows with a "From
This Moment" theme:
- "From this moment, I, Name, take you,
Name, as my
best friend for life. I pledge to honor, encourage, and support you
through our walk together. When our way becomes difficult, I promise to
stand by you and uplift you, so that through our union we can accomplish
more than we could alone. I promise to work at our love and always make
you a priority in my life. With every beat of my heart, I will love you.
This is my solemn vow."
- Once you have written your vows, you will most likely want to talk with
your Officiant about them. S/he may want to approve them and/or offer you
some more suggestions.
- As a side note: After your wedding, if your vows were especially
meaningful to you, type them up, print them on nice paper, and frame them to
hang in your house. This way, you will never forget them and you will always
be reminded of how special and sacred they are to your marriage.
...Separately
If you are writing your vows individually try the following:
- Get together with your fiancé and first discuss general rules for your
vows. For example, about how long they should be (ex. 5 sentences), that
they should use the words "I love you" or "You are my best
friend", etc. in them. You don't want one of you to write a book of
vows while the other just says a few simple things, so make sure to discuss
this beforehand.
- When you get the chance to be alone, reminisce about how you met, what you
felt when you realized you were in love, and how you felt when you decided
to get married. Write down descriptive words for these feelings. For example
"love", "forever", "journey", etc.
- Think about your relationship. Has there been a theme to your
relationship, a favorite song, words you enjoy saying to one another? Write
these down.
- Review how traditional vows are said.
For example:
"In the name of God, I, Name take you,
Name to be
my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better,
for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love
and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn
vow."
- Now think about how you can bring these things together. Think about what
you like about the traditional vows and what you don't like. For the parts
you don't like, how could you change them to your own words, to make them
better?
- Start writing your vows!
- Once you have written your vows, you will most likely want to talk with
your Officiant about them. S/he may want to approve them and/or offer you
some more suggestions.
- As a side note: After your wedding, if your vows were especially
meaningful to you, type both of them up, print them on nice paper, and frame
them to hang in your house. This way, you will never forget them and you
will always be reminded of how special and sacred they are to your marriage.
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