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The numerous rules and standards of wedding etiquette
can be worrisome for couples planning their nuptials. Here are some
frequently asked etiquette questions.
Who should host an engagement party? Traditionally,
this is hosted by the bride's parents, but in recent years this has
opened up. Now, just about any relative on either side can host the
party, as well as friends of the bride and groom. The hosts should be
thanked with a small gift, flowers or perhaps a dinner invitation.
I understand I should purchase gifts for my
attendants. What is appropriate? Options would include: pearl
earrings, a jewelry box, crystal vase, small silver clock or a nice
pen & pencil set.
What are the typical bridesmaids expenses? Bridesmaids
are responsible for the purchase of the dress, shoes and all
accessories. They should pay for all transportation to and from the
wedding. Etiquette also says they should purchase an individual gift
for the couple and share the cost of a luncheon, shower or co-ed
party.
My father passed away last year. How can I still
include him in the ceremony? A single rose on the altar, with an
explanation in the program would be fitting. You could include a
meaningful verse or quotation or a personal note, as well. At the
reception you might want to dedicate a special song to him.
I'm having trouble narrowing down my list of
attendants. Is seven too many? Yes, seven is probably stretching
etiquette just a bit. Select your top four and ask them first. If one
or more are unable to fill the role, then go down your list.
Is it proper to send invitations to the caterers,
photographers, disc jockeys etc.? No, it's generally not necessary
and isn't expected.
Should I mention where we are registered in our
invitation? Yes it is normally mentioned on a separate card with
the invitation.
My co-workers (twenty of them) are throwing
a shower for me. Am I obligated to invite them all to the wedding and
reception? No, you need not. If it's a "work" shower,
thrown with coworkers only, and not your main shower, you do not need
to invite everyone.
How long does the bride have to send thank-you
notes? In times past 3-4 months was acceptable, but in our
hurry-up society 4-6 weeks is more appropriate. Also, etiquette
indicates all thank-you's should be hand-written, on nice note paper.
Our pastor has no fee, but said we could make a
donation toward custodial services. How much should we donate? First
of all, tipping the officiant is traditional and in good taste.
However, the amount varies throughout the world. As a general figure,
I'd suggest $100-$200. Have the best man give the money to the
officiant, explaining that some is custodial and some is for his/her
kindness.
I have both a father and step-father. How do I
handle the father/daughter dance at the reception? They could each
get a full dance with you. If you select this option, dance with man
you feel closest to first. On the other hand, if there's any family
friction (or if this will cause friction) you could omit this dance
from the event.
Should meal choices be listed on response cards or
should we just select one meal? Both are acceptable. As a side
note, chicken is the most popular choice.
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