The Transition From
Don’t take it personally…or the adjustment from
girlfriend to wife.
You may think you’ve got the basics of being a great girlfriend covered. You’re
calm, fun, and willing to compromise. Then you get engaged, and instead of
feeling like a princess, you feel like one of Cinderella’s stepsisters—snappy,
tired, and no fun to be around. Most women expect the engagement period to be
blissfully happy, full of celebration and romance. While this is true, lots of
brides are crushed to find this period is also filled with tension,
disagreements, and frustration. Relax—this happens to the most levelheaded
woman when she makes the transition to bride. You are making a major adjustment
and you are not alone!
Most women expect the engagement period to be blissfully happy, full of
celebration and romance—and it is to a point. But surprisingly Because of the
emphasis on this brand new phase in your life, you become obsessed with
perfection in not only your wedding, but also the very relationship you’ve
grown to love. Excepting your bond to meet the ideals of the “perfect marriage”,
you test your man to see the limits he will go to for you. Putting your
relationship under a microscope is not the answer, however. Your fiancé fell in
love with who you are. Your satisfaction depends more on you than him.
If you live with your fiancé, you will feel the effects of the engaged-girl’s
saga even more. The last thing your groom wants is a grumpy bride, and the last
thing you need is more frustration. It’s important to treat this time with an
open mind. The more you contribute of yourself, the more you’ll get out of
your relationship. You’ll be relieved to discover the satisfaction you get by
following your own interests.
Although this is traditionally a romantic time, you may find yourself craving
more time away. It’s not that you don’t want to be around your man, it’s
that you want to continue developing as a woman, and share your feelings with
people that can bounce approval back to you. This is a time to rely on the women
in your life—draw on your mother, sisters, old girlfriends you’ve lost touch
with, female colleagues, and the growing relationship with your female in-laws.
They will be much more enthusiastic about the details of your wedding, and your
development from a bride to a wife.
After you are married, you will both experience feelings about partnership that
you never considered. Like how you have to buy two different types of breakfast
foods, and having to compromise on the thermostat setting. Where you were once
set in your ways, you are now willing to change with the times. It’s normal to
feel torn between the two. Realize that when you do compromise with your fiancé
it’s not because your way is no good. You’ll compromise because it’s the
considerate thing to do, and the favor will be returned.
One time during my engagement, my fiancé had to switch jobs and turn in his
company car. When he started looking at different types, he emphasized that it
would be “our” car, although he would mainly use it for work. The day before
we were going to look at cars, he said he’d found the one he wanted online. I
immediately debated his choice in my desire to remain independent. When he
touted the advantages of this car over others, I saw he had made a solid
decision. What was really bothering me, was that I didn’t have any input in
This brought to light one of my fears about marriage—that my husband would be
in control. I saw that it doesn’t matter who’s in control when things are
being taken care of. I also saw that he wanted me to voice my opinion on things
and that he respected me when I did so. I began to realize that the more we both
contribute to decisions, the happier, and more involved we both feel.
Becoming a bride is an adjustment, and like any other, it takes time to get used
to. Remember that you are entering into a partnership, not a battle. There will
be plenty of nagging details when the wedding comes. Instead, enjoy your
engagement for what it is—a new stage of emotional development in your life.
This article originally appeared here.
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