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Got cold feet? Are you experiencing
a chilling fear as you realize that you're about to spend the rest of your
life with the same person? Don't worry, it happens. Most of the time, this
freak-out period just means you're suffering from a case of pre-wedding
jitters.
Sometimes, however, these symptoms signify a more serious problem -- and
deserve immediate attention. This guide will help you determine whether you
should run right back into the arms of your honey -- or start sprinting in
the opposite direction.
Pre-Wedding Jitters: Reasons NOT to Call it Off
Feeling Un-Frisky?
Relax. This temporary lull in your sex life is not an indication that
you're destined for a lifetime of bedroom boredom. Rather, it's probably a
reaction to stress. (Let's face it -- fussing with florists, favors, and
first dance songs are not exactly aphrodisiacs.) It's totally natural and
is no indication of the road ahead. Just you wait -- that honeymoon will
heat things up again!
The Ex Factor
His ex keeps coming up like a bad meal, and suddenly you're feeling
threatened, like maybe he/she really still carries a torch. Don't
do anything drastic. Share your feelings with your spouse-to-be in a
non-confrontational way. Take a romantic weekend getaway to reconnect --
and prove your love for one another all over again.
Fed Up Forever?
Is she or he getting on your nerves? Do you suddenly have a low threshold
for that messy desk, those unwashed dishes, or that loud sneezing? It's
okay. The engagement period is not always happy camping -- pre-wedding
stress can make you more irritable, impatient, and easily annoyed. If, out
of the blue, his or her friends start bugging you and those habits are
driving you berserk, take a deep breath. Recognize that you're extra moody
-- and do your best to keep things in perspective.
Pre-Party Panic
Two weeks before the big bash, you find that you're panicked -- you're
sweating, shaking, losing sleep, and not eating. While this is not
healthy, it is normal. You're about to make a commitment for the rest of
your life and you're staring that notion right in the eye. Try your best
to relax and be healthy. Your nerves will eventually return to a normal
state.
Pet Peeves
You love dogs, your sweetie hates 'em. How are you supposed to have the
life you want without a furry friend to have and to hold? Or perhaps
you're peeved that your to-be's cats (and litter box) need to be a part of
your new home together. Whether it's about your love of animals or his
pinball machine collection, merging your lives is not always smooth
sailing. These differences are usually not worth ending the engagement.
Realize that compromises are necessary -- give a little and you'll find
that you get a lot.
Permanent Problem: Reasons TO Call it Off
On a more serious note, there are relationship problems that lie beyond
the world of pre-wedding nerves, peeves, and irritations. If you find
yourself facing any of these issues, please do yourself a favor and take
steps immediately -- confront the problem head on, consult with family or
friends, and/or seek professional help (either individually or together).
Prepare a plan of action. Postpone the wedding -- or call it off if the
problem seems beyond repair.
Big Reasons to Seek Help or Call it Off:
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Abuse: physical or emotional -
Addiction: drugs, alcohol, or gambling -
Serious family issues: parental disapproval or discordance -
Sex: unpleasant or hurtful -
Betrayal: cheating, stealing, or dishonesty -
Religion: conflicting beliefs that cannot be resolved -
Offspring: different plans for having children -
Spending money: opposing attitudes/philosophy -
Sexual orientation: your partner's preferences are different from
what you were led to believe
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