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Engaged couples are always talking about it -- many definitely prefer cash
gifts. But how to tell guests -- or parents, who are often so set on a trip to
the registry to purchase traditional gifts like china, silver, and crystal?
THE REASONS
Whether you're getting married for the first time and would rather have a lump
sum to put toward your first home, or you're remarrying and have long since set
up house, extra money, rather than multiple toasters, is certainly a nice thing
to think about. The truth is that quite a few of us have already accrued all
kinds of appliances and amenities to outfit our lives. But there are very few
who couldn't use a helping hand toward buying a home or new car. That's when
money may be the most useful, thoughtful, and appreciated gift of all. Don't
deny it -- you're salivating just thinking about that pile of checks you hope
you'll have post-wedding, and how the two of you will sit there with a
calculator adding it all up. Fun!
A LITTLE HISTORY
Time was when the mavens of manners and other divas of doing the right thing
turned up their noses at the thought of giving money as a gift. But today, there
are plenty of people who can't think of a more appropriate present for two
people just starting out in their new, shared life. In fact, gifts of money have
long been considered proper and acceptable in different regions of the country,
as well as among different cultures. Guests invited to a Korean wedding often
present envelopes containing cash or checks to the parents of the bride, who in
turn present the money to the newlywed couple. Guests at a Chinese wedding often
hand the bride monetary presents in red envelopes (red symbolizes love and joy).
There's an Italian custom called "The Grand March" -- the wedding
reception ends with a receiving line in which the couple gives each guest a
sweet in exchange for an envelope of money. During the traditional Polish
"Dollar Dance," guests literally buy a dance with the bride by pinning
money to her veil or dress. There's no question that gifts of money and weddings
are certainly no strangers.
RESOURCES
These days, there are actual registries set up around the concept of monetary
gifts -- including the Bridal Registry Account, created by no less than the
federal department of Housing and Urban Development! Couples can open a bridal
registry savings account with participating Federal Housing
Administration-approved banks nationwide. Family and friends can then deposit
cash wedding gifts directly into the interest-bearing account -- call (800)
CALL-FHA for more information. Or register on The Knot Wedding Gift Registry to
get an AmEx Gift Cheque for a Quicken Mortgage for First-Time Home Buyers. You
can use the gift cheque towards the mortgage application fee or as payment
towards closing costs.
HOW TO SPREAD THE WORD
If you decide to set up such an account, or simply want your guests to know that
you'd prefer checks -- let your parents, close relatives and friends, and
wedding-party members know that when guests ask, they can tell them that. Or
post it on your Personal Wedding Web Page. But don't completely forego some
sort of traditional registry. Give guests a choice -- some may really want to
give you something material, rather than just writing you a check. And it's not
as if you wouldn't want some cool new stuff from the department store or
The Knot Wedding Gift Registry, right? Just bite the bullet, guys.
QUICK TIPS
If anyone asks, checks before the wedding should be made out to the bride
OR groom (i.e., they should use the bride's maiden name, if she's planning to
change it). After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom.
This just makes cashing 'em easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done.
As far as checks brought to the reception -- put someone in charge of collecting
them. The best man is a good bet. You might even want to make him and the maid
of honor responsible for keeping the checks for you while you're on your
honeymoon -- they can even deposit them into your account for you, as long as
they make a list of who gave you what first!
IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
The one potentially awkward thing about a cash gift is that there's no hiding
how big or small that present is. But the thought behind each one remains the
same -- and your thanks shouldn't vary in size, either..
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