What's a bridal shower without the bride? Not much, thinks one wedding
consultant. "What's the purpose?" asks Ann Nola, director of the
Association of Certified Professional Wedding Consultants, chuckling over the
idea. She calls it ridiculous. "One reason to attend a shower is to meet
the bride in person and get to know her before the wedding. Otherwise, it's a
gift-wrap session. We're all so darned busy. This is the last thing I'd be
interested in."
But long-distance showers are happening today. With more brides planning
their weddings by long-distance, bridesmaids back home are throwing showers
minus the guest of honor. Shower guests arrive with gifts unwrapped. At some
point, the hostess may phone the bride so the guests can take turns describing
her gifts. At the end of the party, the gifts are wrapped. Later, the hostess
either sends them to the bride or puts them aside for her.
"It was fun," recalls Michigan housewife Pattie Taylor, who
recently attended such a long-distance shower. She enjoyed the family
get-together and socializing. "This way we all got to see what we would all
have been sending her anyway. We had it as a barbecue in the back yard at my
cousin's house. We each showed everyone our unwrapped gift, then wrapped it and
gave it to my cousin and his wife to take home to their daughter."
Although etiquette guru Emily Post may never have envisioned showers sans
bride in her 1945 Blue Book of Social Usage, she defined the sole object
of a shower as to shower the bride with presents. So does it really matter then
whether she's there? To some guests, it might. Wedding consultant Marcia
Coleman-Joyner of A Joyous Occasion, says she's not familiar with the concept,
but if it works, great. Although she adds, "I can't imagine a shower
without the beauty and excitement of the bride opening gifts and sharing."
The bottom line, concludes consultant Laura Bauer of Elegant Events Ltd., is
that according to proper etiquette, the bride and hostess really should work out
a way for the bride to attend her shower. Even if she lives out-of-town, the
shower can be scheduled to coincide with a pre-wedding visit for a dress fitting
or other appointment. It doesn't have to be held months or weeks in advance.
"The shower can be held as close as a couple days before the wedding,"
says Bauer.
