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God's Purpose
For Marriage
by Byron & Carla Weathersbee |
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I will never forget the feeling I had when my last bridesmaid left the back
of the church to meet her groomsman, leaving only the flower girl and ring
bearer to usher me in. I was excited and nervous that the moment I had
anticipated for a lifetime was finally here. I wanted so much for our wedding to
be more than a mere formality. I wanted to soak in every moment and every
detail. My Dad was silent and calm as usual. Yet I could sense how proud and
happy he was to present me to the man I was to spend the rest of my life with.
When my Dad placed my hand in Byron's, calmness and assurance replaced my
shakiness. I knew without a doubt that God had ordained this very moment for me
and that Byron was exactly the partner He had chosen for me. I had never been so
sure of a decision in all my life. That hot summer day we began the process of
the two becoming one. I took Byron to become part of me…all of me.
As I write these words three children (one of which had childhood cancer),
four moves - nine houses (figure that one out), and fourteen years of ministry
later, I now realize how crucial it is to grasp God's purpose and plan for
marriage. During our engagement my expectations of marriage reflected reasonable
and God-given desires. I wanted companionship, affection, someone to share life
with. However, often times my motives and strategies for pursuing these desires
were self-centered. Unfortunately, too many couples enter marriage with a
"consumer mentality," each person focusing on his or her own happiness
rather than that of his or her partner. In other words, "I'll marry this
person because of what he or she will give to me."
God's Purposes
God's purposes for marriage are much higher and greater than our own. In
Genesis 2:18 when God said it is not good for man to be alone, He created Eve as
an answer to that aloneness. Even though Adam had a perfect relationship with
God, a perfect environment, and had all the possessions he wanted there was
still a void of intimacy in Adam's life. This intimacy blends two individuals
into oneness and sameness. Eve was made for Adam to become a suitable helper, a
woman that would complement and complete him in every way. In all of life's
struggles, pain, and disappointment, you will need each other's companionship
and intimacy. This intimacy develops from an attitude of servanthood in seeking
to meet each other's needs and desires.
You can only have this attitude as you realize that your ultimate well-being
depends on God and not fully on your spouse. Only when I allow my relationship
with God to be the most important relationship in my life can I find a sense of
security, fulfillment, and satisfaction that does not depend on my husband’s
response. I can love Byron out of the love I received from Christ and then use
that love to help meet needs in my husband's life.
God ordained marriage to be an earthly picture of the relationship between
Christ and the Church. Jesus Christ's love for the Church, according to
Ephesians 5, is sacrificial and unconditional. He laid down His life to present
the church, His bride, whole and complete. Likewise, when a husband and wife
love each other as they do their own bodies, nurturing and caring for each
other, they live out the beautiful picture of Christ’s oneness with the
Church.
Understanding the Purpose
Our journey in understanding God's purpose for marriage has been filled with
ups and downs and many pleasant surprises as well as heartaches along the way.
And I write with a heart of gratitude to God for giving me a wonderful and
fulfilling marriage characterized by intimacy and oneness.
Every engaged couple enters their wedding day with hopes of a satisfying and
close companionship together. Why is it, then, that for many excited newlyweds
their hopes fade as the years go by and isolation replaces oneness? Neither
feels loved, respected, or understood? Romance is replaced with boredom? Good
marriages don't just fall out of the sky; they require commitment.
For those who seek His wisdom above their own, He has a plan and provides the
power to live it out. Proverbs 24:3-4 says it best, " By wisdom a house is
built and through understanding it is established, through knowledge it's rooms
are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Where does this wisdom come
from? Proverbs 2:6 says "For the Lord gives wisdom and from His mouth comes
knowledge and understanding." So, dependence on God is foundational to a
healthy marriage.
The task of developing oneness will probably be one of the most challenging
jobs you will ever face in developing a healthy marriage. Apart from a personal
relationship with Jesus Christ, oneness in your marriage will never be fully
realized. After all, it was God who created marriage for our well-being.
Therefore, His plans, purposes, and ways can be trusted. God gently reminds us
in Jeremiah 29:11, "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you a future and a
hope."
Even in the midst of God's plan, our marriage has not been easy. Life's
disappointments and irritations and our own self-centeredness remind us often
how much we need a Savior. It makes sense that so many marriages fail in
America; since Christ is not central for most couples and a consumer view of
marriage is the norm, self-centeredness erodes intimacy and companionship.
Without Christ, the vows promised at the altar can never be fully realized.
The key to a healthy marriage is for each of you to focus on becoming the
person God created you to be. As author David Egner states, "The issue is
not just what our Lord says about marriage. Solutions are found by discovering
what He has said about basic issues of faith and character and then applying
those perspectives to the seasons of marriage."
It is our prayer in the coming months of preparation for your wedding day,
that the consuming details of the ceremony, the showers, the invitations, the
honeymoon, etc. will not overshadow the more important matter of preparing your
heart for a lifetime of intimacy and companionship with your spouse. And on your
wedding day, when you begin your vow…"I take thee to be my wedded husband
(or wife)…" may you fully understand the significance of your words.
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© 1998 by Byron & Carla Weathersbee, Legacy Family Ministries, Waco, TX.
All rights reserved. |
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This article originally appeared
here.
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