Interestingly enough both of us came up with the same #1 pet peeve about wedding etiquette – more specifically cake etiquette.

"The Cake Thing," as my friend described it, is the not-so-quaint quasi-ritual that all too often is seen at weddings where the bride and/or the groom believe it necessary to shove cake all over the other’s face in an uncommon (hopefully uncommon) display of poor taste, lack of regard and lack of respect for their spouse (not to mention the lack of self-esteem with regard to how others might view this less than sophisticated and less than considerate action).

This photographer said his comment to the bride and the groom during the cake cutting and feeding ceremony was "each of you take only a very small piece so it fits easily into your partners mouth – and be nice! – this is the beginning of your married relationship".

TO BOTH THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM

"Be nice" – hopefully you are about to spend the rest of your lives together and hopefully part of the bond that will continue to grow between you is friendship and trust.

I would have to think that you would feel more for your spouse and his/her feelings than you would for trying to impress or show off for your friends – if this premise is wrong then maybe you should wait a little while before getting married – maybe ten years or so…at least until your mind chronologically catches up with your physical age. Friends are friends – your spouse is your mate for life – gosh what a concept!

TO THE BRIDE

Having a great sense of humor, being playful and being fun-loving are wonderful traits and can help you toward developing a successful marriage – however – possibly embarrassing your husband and maybe yourself or your families – and – have a nose full of icing for the rest of the day may just be going beyond the call of duty.

TO THE GROOM

If you only knew and you will in just a few short months, maybe even weeks; maybe as soon as the honeymoon, how much time many women spend on making themselves just right for their own satisfaction, for your satisfaction and the public in general…and, if you only knew how much more time your (now) wife spent on getting ready to see you and be seen by all of her closest friends, her family, your friends, your family on your wedding day…you might think long and hard before shoving some cake and icing into that pretty face.

Even if it’s all just in fun this is not the time or place for a micro-food-fight. Have the courtesy of letting your wife stay as picture perfect as possible and the courtesy of showing consideration for your new wife’s feelings.

Just remember, no matter how long you’ve known your bride, no matter how much time you’ve spent together – this is NOT the same thing! At the moment of your wedding life changes, the commitment changes or, at the least, is reinforced and it is very likely that you are having this "moment" recorded for a wedding album. A LOT of thought, time and work has probably gone into this event and you could be VERY surprised at just how important this time really is to your wife.

IF YOU JUST HAVE TO DO THE "CAKE THING" – if you just know this will be part of your ceremony – if you are absolutely, positively forced by previous family traditions and the desire to just "do it" – if you and your spouse actually lived and loved through four years of an "Animal House" styled college life – then at least talk it over with your spouse, agree when, how and to what extent you will do "The Cake Thing" then make sure you both live up to your agreement. This day is least remembered for, and most enjoyed for NO SURPRISES.