The traditional breakdown of wedding expenses apportions responsibilities among the bride's parents, the groom, the bride, the groom's parents, and the attendants (in rough order of the extent of their responsibilities). Aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, and long-lost half-brothers have no "traditional" financial responsibilities at all. It's certainly okay, and often very practical, for families to agree to handle expenses in a way different from "tradition." But this should only be done with the active consent of everyone who will be contributing.

Traditional Responsibilities

Here's the traditional expense break-down for a first wedding for a young bride who is still under the protection of her parents.

The Groom

The groom pays for the costs of legally tying the knot, for the honeymoon, and for a few incidental expenses:

• Marriage license

• Officiant's fee or tip

• The bride's wedding ring

• His own attire except for boutonniere

• Gifts for his attendants

• Gift for the bride (optional)

• All honeymoon costs

In some regions, the groom traditionally chooses and pays for the bouquets for the bride and her attendants.

The Bride's Parents

The bride's parents pay for the bride's adornment and the cost of the celebration and festival aspects of the wedding:

• Invitations and all needed stationery

• Decorations for the ceremony site

• Ceremony music

• Bride's attire

• Bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages

• Limousine, if any

• Photography and/or videography

• All reception costs

• Lodging for out-of-town attendants

Today, the groom's family is increasingly likely to contribute to the costs of the reception. When both families want to hold a grand celebration, this is a very sensible thing to do, but it's not traditionally required. Often, the groom's family volunteers to handle a specific item, typically drinks at the reception and perhaps flowers for their family members.

The Bride

Because brides were traditionally economically dependent on their parents, their expenses were few. Today, a woman who holds a good job is likely to share more expenses with her parents. Her traditional duties were to pay for:

• The groom's ring

• Gifts for her attendants

• Bridesmaids' luncheon

• Gift for the groom (optional)

The Groom's Parents

Until the 1950s, the groom's parents had no financial duties whatsoever! Around that time, the custom evolved of having the groom's parents throw the rehearsal dinner. They may also help with wedding expenses if they wish.

The Attendants

The attendants are responsible for their own attire, except for flowers. The maid of honor and bridesmaids also usually hold a shower for the bride (though this is not mandatory). Similarly, the best man and ushers usually hold some sort of bachelor dinner for the groom (again, this is optional).

Second Weddings and More Established Couples

Traditionally, if the bride was well into adulthood and independent, or if it was not her first wedding, the bride and groom hosted their own wedding, handling all of the expenses except the attendants' attire.

How these weddings are handled today depends a lot on the families involved. Some families place a great deal of importance on having a lavish or large party and offer to pay for it even when tradition does not ask them to. Other families prefer the older way of doing things. There's nothing at all wrong with the families chipping in when they don't "have to" (and it's no one's business outside the family anyway), but it's never polite to demand that someone foot the bills. It's important to note that the idea is not to deprive older brides of nice weddings, but to recognize that adulthood and independence means appreciating parental contributions as a gift rather than demanding them as a right.