Surveys taken over the last twenty years are starting to show a clearer picture of children of divorce. These adults are quite accepting of divorce when deemed necessary, but they don’t take it lightly. They have lived the turmoil that can ensue and are not eager for the process to happen in their own lives. They probably have step-families as well. Hence their caution when selecting a mate.

They also tend to be cautious and fairly realistic about the wedding plans too. As much as they love, like or tolerate their families, they know that planning a big event like this will take special consideration. The guest list may not be as straight forward. Nor seating plans. Yet, most of these children will realize some sort of compromise. The key is remembering to ask for tolerance, if not amicability. Let family know that you’d like to look back on this day with fondness and are counting on them to do their part. Or just keep silent. Either way, don’t forget your parents love you. Be fair to them but most of all be true to yourselves.

• This is your day. Respect the financial contributions your parents have made to your wedding but don’t let it become a power issue. Invitations can come from you and fiancée instead of the parents of the bride and groom.

• You don’t have to have a receiving line. An informal reception is fine.

• The more casual the wedding plans the less you have to worry about order and precedence whether in church to seating plans to the first dance.

• Your parents don’t necessarily have to sit with each other at the reception or the ceremony. Perhaps a table of their own at the reception with special family members among them, i.e.. grandparents, aunts, uncles.

• Wedding photographs: This is often a great time for newlyweds to lessen the tension in these situations. Getting your Father and Mother separately for a photo can be a great opportunity to remind them how much they mean to you on this special day.